I finally did it. I’m leaving my job. I put in my notice a week and a half ago. I’m done on the 23rd of September.
HELL YEAH!!!! Hell fucking yeah!!!!
That was my exact reaction. I was giddy AF. Have you ever seen me do an hour-long happy dance? I tell you it was epic. I drove out of the parking lot at the end of the day with my music blaring, dancing in my seat, and singing at the top of my lungs.
Then I spent an entire week on vacation. It has been a HUGE relief to be away from that toxic environment. I am so relieved that I’m getting out of there. But somehow I still spent my nights lying in bed unable to sleep. If I did sleep it was filled with nightmares and restless dreaming.
The thing that kept me up the most? Not feeling prepared. Do I have a solid plan for the future? No. Not really…. alright, my plan just isn’t as detailed as I’d like. OK fine you caught me… I have a 12-page plan. But that still doesn’t feel like enough. If you know me, I’m obsessive with detailed planning. It takes me weeks, months or even years to be ready to make a big decision. So changing the course of my career warrants at least a 30-page research paper, right? (I’m kidding… sort of)
My nerdiness aside… I’ve been contemplating leaving this job for the past 2-3 years. (Who wouldn’t with a certifiably crazy boss?!?) But that doesn’t mean I feel prepared now that the time is finally here. There are still many unknowns. Some of those unknowns scare me and some of them excite me.
Needless to say, I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster. I’m thrilled, relieved and terrified all at the same time. It is a mix of anticipation and anxiety. I can’t wait to embark on my new adventure but I’m nervous about the future.
Despite all the ups and downs, I keep having moments of extreme calm. A peaceful certainty that sweeps over me. I know that this is the right decision. I have to leave. No doubt about it. I have to save myself.
Every time I start to slip into worry mode, I make a declaration. I choose to be excited about the future. I choose to joyfully anticipate the unknown. I choose to happily kick ass in all of my new adventures. I choose to do numerous happy dances. I choose to sing at the top of my lungs even if it bothers the neighbors. I choose to scream “hell yeah” when I’m happy AF.
So here is to choosing a joyful life and saving myself one “hell yeah” moment at a time.